So What Is An F.L R.?
F.L.R stands for Female Led Relationship – an intimate personal relationship where the female partner has control over the male. The nature of this power dynamic can range from only affecting certain facets e.g. in the bedroom or decision making; to total command over all aspects of the partnership.
As feminists and gender equality activists have started to dismantle and challenge traditional social hierarchies, we’re beginning to see an increase in the amount of women and men who are openly pursuing female led relationships, women who want to take the lead and men who are seeking strong, capable women.
Traditionally men have held this authoritative role within relationships, households and families but today with the constraints removed many women are finding the leadership role natural to them. And not just in relationships but for entire nations. From single mothers to intelligent business women to heads of state, women are quickly proving to men that they are just as competent. (At the time of writing this, female heads of state are incumbent in: the UK, Romania, Germany, Bangladesh, Namibia, Iceland, Peru, New Zealand, Singapore, Serbia, Norway – far too many to mention them all).
So it’s good news for both sexes as it means men no longer need to project a machismo and take on all the pressures of being providers. While it’s liberating for alpha women, (who unlike men – who are perceived as natural leaders, were seen as overbearing and bossy,) as they now can embrace their strong intelligent personas. People irrelevant of their sex can act in accordance with their own nature without fear of social stigma.
FLR & Femdom
It’s important to recognise that FLRs exist on a spectrum and here at The English Mansion and within the world of femdom we are primarily interested in exploring its furthermost position. FLRs have direct parallels with the 247 or owned slave BDSM dynamic and can be the basis for a sub/dom paring or even marriage. (They probably just have less rubber & leather and no need of a dungeon.)
Femdom FLRs are where the woman takes total control and makes all the decisions in her relationship. She probably won’t work instead her partner/husband will provide and cater to her every need, worshipping her like a goddess. Sexually she will take strict command in the bedroom, making and training her partner/husband to serve her sexual needs. Chastity devices, enforced feminisation and cuckolding may play an important part of this training.
Note: What FLR isn’t – it isn’t an abusive relationship but one agreed on or one that just naturally works; it isn’t one that resembles a mother/child dymanic, rather than a healthy adult relationship; and it isn’t an ongoing exhausting power struggle.
Author and blogger Lady Alexa has written extensively on FLR, she herself is engaged in a FLR with her feminised and compliant husband. So I shall recite her excellent 10 Steps to a FLR taken from her blog post Developing an FLR Female-Led Relationship. She also writes regular posts and books about FLR, feminisation and male submission at www.ladyalexauk.com
The 10 Steps To A Sucessfull FLR
There are a number of steps you will need to take to develop an FLR. Here is my own list below. Although I’m sure there have been different approaches, I believe the fundamentals are the same.
1. A list of rules and regulations for the husband/male partner to follow. I suggest they are written down and pinned up. These set the parameters of the relationship, a sort of contract.
2. Establish yourself as the female authority figure. This is achieved in many ways, not least renaming him and insisting on him curtseying (or bowing) to you. I believe that it really helps to cement the different status levels and therefore renaming is important. If your husband or partner is calling you by a cute pet name then the status level is undermined. In my own marriage I insist on being referred to as Mistress. Since I have feminised my husband as part of the FLR process he now has a female name. This approach is very effective and I do encourage it for all FLRs.
3. Remove his bad habits. This includes his personal hygiene, sitting down on the toilet, arguing, removal of machismo, submissiveness and politeness to women and so on. This can take time and is achieved through repetition, coaching and punishment
4. The domestic chores become the role of your male. He should be required to do all the house cleaning and chores including washing and ironing the clothes, cooking, doing the dishes, cleaning the toilet and bath, and all other domestic work in the house. The woman may set out a roster of weekly chores for the man to do each week. Sometimes I like to cook or even do some housework but that would be my choice and is ad-hoc at my discretion.
5. Control his clothing. I believe this to be one of the most important areas to address in any FLR. There are three reasons for this is my mind. Firstly, it enforces his status level and ensures he wears clothing you enjoy seeing him in. Regarding status, people react to clothing as symbols of position and power or of lowly status. Different women employ different techniques here but the key is demonstration of the status differential. The woman is the General, the CEO, the Chief of Police. The man is the private, the admin assistant, the secretary, domestic help. We therefore need to dress them differently. Many women like to keep their men naked at home and I also like this approach and adopt it or variations of it at times. However, in my case I prefer to feminise my husband and make him wear very revealing and very feminine clothing. Short skirts and dresses emphasise his status as a domestic assistant to me. Secondly being naked or being forced to wear feminine clothing makes the male more feminine which is a quality you need to ensure. It helps to strip away any nasty male traits. There are other ways to address this issue but clothing goes a long way to making this reality. Finally, it’s just very pleasant to see a man in a skirt, dress or naked.
6. Control sex. Some go for chastity which I use a little. In general I just prefer to be the one who decides. Control of his sexual ejaculations is a power control mechanism even if, as in my case, I allow it frequently.
7. Control the household finances. This includes taking control over the finances and the earnings of the male. He should not be permitted access to any money and should seek permission from the lady for money. It’s often best that he requests she make purchases for him to avoid him having money which can allow him to feel empowered and independent. This doesn’t mean keeping him in poverty or denying him any treats, it just means overall control. For example, I buy my husband entrance tickets for live football and cricket matches which I don’t attend. I then give him a little pocket money to allow him to buy a drink or food. I think regular pocket money is a good idea for him anyway but obviously not too much.
8. Control social activities. The female should be the sole decider of all social activities and control the marriage diary. For example, if going to watch the cinema the Female will decide what film to watch, what seat to sit in and what snacks to eat and drink. That said I will go to films he asks to go to also.
9. Ensure obedience. This is the foundation of any FLR. Discipline is therefore an important element of the relationship to ensure he complies with your wishes. Verbal discipline is the most usual way to ensure obedience but physical discipline is also part of the training and the re-enforcement. Breaches of obedience should always be met with very strict discipline, either removal of rights or physical punishment such as spanking or slapping.
10. Change his demeanour through language. Correct language when addressing women is needed. Males should use appropriate titles such as madam, mistress etc. My own husband address me as mistress and another submissive male we know uses ma’am to address his wife. Curtseying and thanking women for giving instructions is another reminder of the status level and ensures obedience.
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If you’d like a peak at a femdom FLR take a look at these recent & coming soon English Mansion films: WLR Wife Led Relationship & Your Bitch Wife.