Playing Safely in BDSM

Playing Safely in BDSM:
A Beginners Comprehensive Guide

BDSM, an acronym for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism, involves a wide range of erotic practices. The essence of safety within BDSM lies in mutual respect, consent, and communication. Here, are practices that ensure a safe BDSM play experience.

  • Scene Cognizance

Before engaging in any BDSM activities, participants should be fully aware of the scene they are entering. Importantly starting with,

Negotiation – This is a critical conversation held before any scene, where participants discuss:
Limits  what is absolutely not acceptable
Preferences  what is desired or enjoyed
*Safewords  signals to pause or stop the scene
Fantasies
Past Experiences
Medical Issues  that might affect the scene

*Safeword: A vital pre-agreed word, set of words or phrase that, when used, stops the scene immediately. Safewords are always respected. “Red” is often considered as the universal safeword. A series of Safewords may also be employed, i.e. “Green” everything is OK; “Amber” getting close to their limit; “Red” stop immediately. Sometime humorous or unconventional words like “Pineapple” are used to break immersion for urgent communication.

  • Post-Scene Dynamics

Subdrop: After an intense scene, a submissive might experience a physical and emotional down-turn due to a drop in endorphins and post-adrenaline rush.
Signs include –
Feeling down or sad; Physical tiredness or exhaustion; Feeling overwhelmed; Hunger/Low blood sugar. This can be mitigated through,
Aftercare The process where the Dominant or Top ensures the well-being of the submissive or bottom.
Involving –
Physical comfort  cuddles, warmth
Emotional support  reassurance, talking
Practical care  hydration, food, rest
Follow-Up  a call or message a day or two later can help check on the well-being of the player

Note: Dominants also need aftercare. They might feel drained, depleted,  physically and mentally tired or exhasted, so rest, quiet and a period of self-assessment are important post-scene.

  • Safety Philosophies

SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) This philosophy emphasizes:
Safety Practicing activities in a way that minimizes physical harm.
Sanity Ensuring all participants are in a clear mental state to consent.
Consent All activities must be explicitly agreed upon by all involved.

RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) An approach that acknowledges:
Risk Informed understanding of the potential dangers of an activity.
Consent All parties must fully consent to the activities with awareness of the risks involved.
Note  Consent must be informed and ongoing throughout the scene.

Safety in BDSM isn’t just about physical precautions but also about emotional and psychological care. By adhering to principles like negotiation, using safewords, respecting limits, and providing aftercare, participants can explore their desires safely and consensually.

Whether you lean towards SSC or RACK, the core remains the same: informed consent, mutual respect and continuous communication. Remember, the journey through BDSM should be as consensual and pleasurable as it is intense and fulfilling.

See also: D/s Relationships & Responsibility: Submission Is A Precious Gift

Posted in -Articles, BDSM & Fetish Play, BDSM Safety | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Playing Safely in BDSM

Madame in a World of Fantasy Magazine – 1970 & 1980s Femdom

madame-magazineIf it could be bottled, this Lady certain has it

Old Skool Femdom – Madame Magazine

Before the advent of the Internet the world of femdom was a secretive and underground place, one way to indulge your desires were female domination magazines. These were not easy to find and had to be subscribed to or purchased from rather sleazy sex shops.

XXX
The most famous in the UK was Madame in a World of Fantasy from Swish productions. Alongside other titles including: Smooth, Amazons in Action, Fighting Gals Monthly, Claws and The World of Transvestism.

The first issue of Madame magazine was published in 1974 (see image 1 above). And below you can see examples of how it evolved through the 70s into the 80s from crude drawings to amateur black & white photography.

Very tame by today’s standards back in the censored past the magazine did run into issues with the police in 1986 (see image 2 above). Though appears to have successfully navigated a path through the difficulties as the magazine did continue.

madame-inaworldof-fantasy-magazinefemdom-Madame-magazinesMadame in a World of Fantasy Fan Site
Take a look at this amazing fan site, you can look up every cover and bask in fond memories. I knew the Lady who appears here in Vol 18, No 7 – VV a lovely Prodom Mistress from many years ago.

Posted in -Articles, Femdom History | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

John Doesn’t Like Parties: Femdom Fiction

John Doesn’t Like Parties

‘I don’t normally just go out like this… but yes….err, sure I can be there tonight’…..You say you’re a friend of Karen’s…I haven’t seen her in years, will she be there…..oh, OK, well it doesn’t matter..it’s err, very kind of you, yes… about 7 .. exactly 7, right, yes, exactly 7 then…OK, bye. I paused a moment, the receiver still in my hand, listening only to dial tone. This woman rings out of the blue and invites me to dinner at exactly 7pm with a bunch of people I don’t know. Just as well I’m free and more than a little intrigued. Finally the connection with Karen, with whom I had had a lot of fun, tipped me over the brink and I went to get ready.

‘You must be John’ a warm deep female voice proclaims, ‘just like your photo and so handsome’. ‘Well yes! So you are Ella’ I replied. ‘Yes come in, come right in’, her smile growing wider as she stared intensely into my eyes. We moved from the doorstep of a smart Victorian semi, down the hall and into a dining room with table all set and bursting with men and women. I realised that I was rather formerly dressed by comparison with the crowd. There must have been a dress code I wasn’t told about. As I looked quickly around the women seemed to be wearing rubber garments and the men leather, very attractive I thought as the view caused a ripple of excitement to run through me; but I felt a bit of an outsider.

Ella must have read my reactions, ‘Oh now John, you may be concerned about what you are wearing but please have no worries because Sophie will see you are suitably dressed in just a minute, can I get you a drink’? ‘Yes please, do you have larger’, I said with a little apprehension. Ella made off to the corner of the room where the drinks were and disappeared into the throng. I felt uneasy, what was this about Sophie and dressing. I made my way to the canapés and helped myself. I didn’t recognise anyone I could chat to. As my eyes darted around the faces of the guests I saw some avert their gaze, which had been directed at me, others just stared back perhaps with a small smile. Seconds hung in the air and froze as a feeling of minor panic started to spread through me. Now I realised that in some way I couldn’t figure I was special, different to the others. Fortunately, just at that moment, one most attractive young lady broke free from the mass and came across. Dressed in a dazzling multi-coloured rubber cat suit and spike heels she towered above me. ‘John, I’m Mistress Sophie’ she atoned in a clear and commanding manner.

‘Mistress?’, I enquired. ‘You know what that means don’t you’? Well I knew one meaning of Mistress. I had become a dedicated BDSM submissive and well familiar with submitting to dominant women who often referred to themselves by the title ‘Mistress’; but what was going on here. My face was colouring up, I had no idea how to reply. Sophie filled the pause moving her body sideways towards me and closed the space between us ‘You’re a sub John, I know that. Don’t worry you’re among friends here, we all understand. Your friend Karen subbed to Ella and told her about you. You’re a real hard sub, take a lot I understand before you break. Everyone in this room is either a sub, a top or a switch … and bisexual of course. You could leave now if you wanted to or you can stay for dinner and your going to have the evening of your life as our plaything’.

John swallowed….’It sounds like you’ve got it all worked out then’. ‘Yes sweetie, I think we have. Come with me’ I didn’t take any convincing, I usually had to pay to play SM games and this looked like exceptional fun for free. I would of course have to explain my limits to…..my thoughts were cut by a strident command ‘Follow’. ‘Oh ..OK but I haven’t got a drink yet, Ella went to get me one’. ‘You’ll get your drink later, I’ll see to that’ Sophie grinned widely as she propelled me out of the dining room and into …. An SM playroom, through the playroom and into a dressing room. ‘Kneel’ she shouted at me and instinctively I dropped to my knees as I had done so many times for strong, beautiful women.

A powerful smell of rubber and leather met my nostrils. The odour and the reverberating ‘kneel’ acted on my mind relaxing me, calming me and turning me to mouldable dough. I became submissive and hung my head to indicate this … and waited. ‘Stand up’. I obeyed without hesitation and without concern. Already this woman had complete control of me, I would do anything she asked. She was holding a leather arm restraint. ‘Get naked quickly’. As I scrambled to get my clothes off I wondered what the hell I was doing here obeying this woman I didn’t know who was probably intent on feeding me to the waiting crowd. As I removed the last items of clothing I looked up to the Mistress Sophie. ‘What will you do with me’? She drew close and whispered in my ear, her rubber suit squeaking and smelling divine.. ‘all the things you desire’. ‘You don’t know what I desire’ ‘That’s what you think slave, we have notes from one of your Dommes; she will be here later’ ‘Who’ I said summoning some indignity at the lack of confidentiality that was implied, but really feeling rather proud of my track record. ‘Sidonia’. Oh shit, the woman I played hardest with. I stood naked as she moved around and close to me. ‘Arms behind your back, hands together’ she ordered. I stared ahead at the luxurious surroundings. On went the restraint binding my arms in a V shape behind my back. She pulled the laces in and I drifted off. ‘Follow’ was the order and I did, out of the dressing room and back to the crowd.

They were merry now and cheered as I arrived and was pushed to my knees in front of them. From the mass Mistress Sidonia emerged standing close she was silhouetted against the light, tall in her spike heels. ‘Mistress’! I exclaimed and hung my head. She placed her sole and then her heel on my cock and without making a sound I threw back my head and grimaced through the beautiful pain. ‘Oh Mistress’ I mewed.

Ella joined in the fun, I was pushed onto my back and they marked my chest with their heels. Sidonia agreed to share me with anyone at the party. A shout from the crowd urged that I be tethered so that they could get on and eat. A number of the rubber clad party goers came forward and lifted me from the floor then backed me towards the wall. Sophie had a tub of some lubricant and applied it to something that protruded from a framework on the wall. I looked to see what she was doing. ‘That’s for you; lucky boy…just what you need I know’ It looked like a dildo but was fatter in the middle and thinner at the ends. It was a bit of a monster but still I hoped it was going up my arse: and it was. I was man handled back against the wall and onto the probe. Ugh! When it settled in it felt good. My hands and legs were tied up to the frame and Sophie teased my cock. ‘There you are little boy, we have you now’. She and the others left me, casting glances and smiles as they went towards the table loaded with food. The hustle of conversation and laughter re-built and I returned to my thoughts.

A few minutes had past when a Sophie crossed to me. Did you get your drink John? ‘No Mistress’ I replied. ‘Oh good I hoped you would still be thirsty’. This all seemed lame to me because I was in no position to hold a glass and enjoy a larger. A guy who turned out to be Sophie’s Dom partner came over to the frame. ‘Just going to fix you firmly in place and make a connection to your colon’ he said absolutely matter of fact and looking straight into my eyes. ‘Connection to my colon’ rang in my head…what the hell; but as the thought crossed my brain I felt pressure in my arse. He was turning a control on the frame. I could only guess that the probe was inflatable. How’s that he enquired. ‘It hurts’, I said. He inflated the thing some more and I closed my eyes. ‘That should do then’ he said and they both moved back to socialise. They were right. Inflating the thing had pulled my arse back against the frame and I couldn’t move. The pain was subsiding and being replaced by a beautiful feeling of dilation. A girl came by and kissed me. She was gorgeous and I kissed her back. She repaid me by digging her fingernails into my nipples but I held back a scream. A minute after two men came over and they both kissed me one after the other. One stroked my cock and lightly dealt with my nipples. After that there was a steady stream of partygoers taking advantage of me causing me pain and pleasure until Sophie turned up with a pint of larger and offered it to me. ‘Are you enjoying the party, here’s your drink’ she smirked. I said nothing. ‘Well I brought it for you, you’re bloody well going to have it’. I remained silent, I couldn’t figure out what was coming, but something obviously was. She moved in close and whispered like before. ‘I’ve made it easy for you: I warmed it up’. What?

She moved elegantly back and to the side of me, I followed her with my eyes. She lifted a funnel and tube from the frame. I notice the room had fallen almost into silence and when I glanced back to the crowd they were lined up watching. ‘Give it to him’ a male voice demanded from the crowd. Sophie turned at this point smiled and raised the glass to the crowd…..they cheered and laughed. I concluded what was happening, it all fitted together, it was going up my arse!

Ceremoniously Sophie held out the funnel at my chest height and for all to see started to pour the larger . The brimming funnel was connected by the tube into some part of the frame then through the probe made a direct leak tight connection to my internal organs. I watched the liquid and froth go down the funnel and a second later I got a warm feeling deep inside me. This grew to a warm and full feeling as she progressed. Re-filling the funnel she looked me in the eyes and held it as high above her head as she could. I cramped as the dose entered quickly. She giggled, the crowd jeered. About half the dose was in when she gripped the pipe and turned to face me. Taking a mouthful of larger she pressed her lips to mine and injected it into my mouth. I swallowed and thanked her. Now my head was feeling light, I was quickly getting drunk. With a devilish smile she poured the remainder of the larger into me and clamped the pipe. ‘There you got your drink, I hope you hold your drink well’ and left me laughing as she went.

As I drifted rapidly away the teasing and torment continued. At one point there seemed to be a queue to get at me. Men and women, subs and Dom(me)s, paraded past for a flirtation with tonight’s (drunken) slut. One guy fell to his knees in front of me and sucked at my dick till I thought I might cum. A young lady in a fascinating costume produced a violet wand and proceeded from mild to extreme electric torment of my genitals. A girl rubbed her pussy all over my legs and cock, then peed over me. I was tremendously excited, this was a fantasy I had revealed to Mistress Sidonia, which was now being unfolded with me as the centre of attention. My cock raged and my head spun and drifted. I almost passed out: again the excited party noise hushed to a murmur, more trouble no doubt!

This time it was Sidonia. She produced a gas mask and what looked like an old anesthetic machine on a trolley. Through my haze I saw her tip a liquid into a container on the machine. I was fitted with the mask by a naked and very well endowed young man who masturbated me briefly and rubbed his huge cock against me. Whilst this was happening Sidonia had set up the scene. I was breathing though the machine now and she started to make that hard for me, restricting each breath. As I drew in hard to get some air I got more spaced out instead. In seconds I was gone, on a wild trip. But because there was a controlled and continuous supply of her special medicine Sidonia was able to take me deep and hold me there. I had never felt so helpless and so excited. I struggled for breath, I couldn’t get fresh air but now I didn’t care. Now the young guy was sucking me and I started to moan, the crowd responded and moaned with me. Seamlessly as I got more and more excited the man’s mouth turned to Sidonia’s hand and in seconds I was spunking all over Ella’s luxury carpet. Hysteria broke out in the crowd as male and female alike dived to lick up some of the spunk. They were fevered. Sidonia gave me air but left me bound whilst an orgy broke out on the carpet in front of me. I feasted my eyes on the rampant scene until someone released my bonds and helped me down from the frame. I sat down to watch and recover whilst to my surprise several of the partygoers that passed by shook my hand and congratulated me.

I made a lot of new friends that night and now always except party invites, no matter how strange they sound.

by slave rod

Posted in -Fiction & Writting, Femdom Short Story | Comments Off on John Doesn’t Like Parties: Femdom Fiction

Latin Passions: Mistress Damara


Latin Passions: Mistress Damara

Mistress Damara is a beautiful shapely Latina prodom based in central London, UK.  She has a natural passion and enthusiasm for BDSM play, with a unique style that totally overwhelms and entrances her subs. Turning them into her obedient playthings. She specialises in anal/strapon play and encouraged bi scenes.  More Info Here

Don’t miss out on the femdom films featuring Mistress Damara showing right now, including Sunkissed Feet & The Power & The Glory inside The English Mansion… Get Access Here

Posted in - EngMan Dominas, Mistress Damara | Tagged | Comments Off on Latin Passions: Mistress Damara

More Music To Whip Guys By – Atmospheric Top Twenty #4

Welcome to The English Mansion’s Top Twenty
Music To Whip Guys By ~ Atmospheric Mix #4
Our musical play lists dedicated to all things kinky

Welcome to another Top Twenty music chart of songs which exude sensuality and dark passions making them perfect for BDSM session play. Music is an essential backdrop to a scene it sets the mood and has an effect on our emotions. From high-energy dance for serious whipping to slow erotic ambient beats for more sensuous play; a scene moves through many phases and the right play-list compliments the action.

I’ve chosen these tracks for the atmophere they create, not for the words necessarily and certainly not for the videos. So here are a few more of my personal favourite atmospheric tracks for Kink & BDSM session play, all that have great pervy memories for me 🙂

Music To Whip Guys By ~ Atmospheric Mix #4
1   Les Nuits
Nightmares On Wax (1999) Play Video
2   Out Of Heaven
Dreadzone (1995) Play Video
3   Higher Than The Sun (A Dub Symphony In 2 Parts)
Screamadelica (1991) Play Video
Lifeforms Path 4
joint with
4   Live With Me 
The Future Sound of London (1994)
Massive Attack (2006)
Play Video

Play Video
5   Roads
joint with
5   Ghosts
Portishead (1994)

Japan (1981)

Play Video

Play Video

6    Lullaby for Cain
joint with
6   Under Ice
Sinead O’Connor (1999)

Kate Bush (1985)

Play Video

Play Video

7   Migrations
joint with
7   Masked Ball
Jocelyn Pook (1999) Play Video

Play Video

8   We Don’t Die
joint with
8   Eyes Open Wide
Tricky (2013)

Jihae (2010)

Play Video

Play Video

9   Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) Emily Browning (2011) Play Video
10   Fall In The Light Lori Carson & Graeme Revell (1995) Play Video
11   Breathe
The Cinematic Orchestra Feat. Fontella Bass (2007) Play Video
12   Rising
joint with
12   Kurushi
Yoko Ono (1996) Play Video

Play Video

13   Lover Sufi (1995) Play Video
14   Something I Can Never Have
Nine Inch Nails (1989) Play Video
15   Slow Motion Picture
Solomon Grey (2016) Play Video
16   Weather Storm
joint with
16   The Quiet American
Craig Armstrong (1997) & (2002) Play Video

Play Video

17   Toxic
joint with
17    Halo
(Goldfrapp Remix)
2WEI (2018)
Depeche Mode (2004)
Play Video

Play Video

18   Joga
joint with
18 
Lovely Head
Björk (1997)

Goldfrapp (2000)

Play Video

Play Video

19   An Ending (Ascent)
Brian Eno (1983) Play Video
20   The Great Gig In The Sky
Pink Floyd (1973) Play Video

 

The English Mansion’s Kinky Music Charts

Take a look at our other musical Top Tens dedicated to all things kinky
~ to be included the rules are: they must be big hits or tracks from internationally well-known performers.

 

Posted in -Fetish & Erotic Music, Kink Music Mixes | Tagged , , | Comments Off on More Music To Whip Guys By – Atmospheric Top Twenty #4

D/s Relationships & Responsibility: Submission Is A Precious Gift

Keep It Locked Up Somewhere Safe!

Submission Is A Precious Gift

Submission is a precious gift and domination a hefty responsibility.

D/s Relationships & Responsibility
Submission is not merely an act but a profound gift, one that should be nurtured and respected. It represents trust, vulnerability, and a willingness to yield control, offering a unique form of intimacy and connection. On the other side, domination is not just a role but a substantial responsibility. It demands a deep understanding, respect, and commitment to the well-being of the submissive partner.

To truly honour the gift of submission:

◊  Respect: Recognize the courage it takes to submit. Treat every act of submission with the reverence it deserves, understanding that it is bestowed with trust.

◊  Care: Ensure that the submissive’s boundaries are not only recognized but actively protected. Domination should never lead to harm – physical, psychological/ emotional (affecting their mental health) or financial, but should instead foster a safe space for exploration.

◊  Communication: Continuous, clear, and honest communication is vital. Domination requires listening to the submissive’s needs, desires, and feedback to navigate the dynamics healthily.

◊  Consent: All actions must be consensual, with consent being an ongoing process, not a one-time agreement. The dominant must always be attuned to the submissive’s physical and emotional state. Limits must be set, understood and respected.

◊  Education: Both parties should educate themselves about BDSM practices and safety. Play activities should be safe and sane, with all participants being fully aware of the risks involved. A responsible dominant is always safeguarding their partner.

◊  Empowerment: Domination should empower the submissive, helping them to grow, explore, and find joy in their submission, rather than diminishing or exploiting them.

◊  Accountability: If mistakes happen, the dominant should own them, learn from them, and strive to do better. Dominance comes with the duty to reflect on one’s actions and their effects on the submissive.

Submission and domination are intertwined in a dance of mutual respect, trust and care. Treating submission as the precious gift it is means embracing domination as a hefty responsibility, ensuring that the power exchange is healthy, consensual, and enriching for all involved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suggested BDSM Resources & Reading Materials

The Mistress Manual by Mistress Lorelei, Greenery Press 2000
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance
by Claudia Varrin, Citadel 2000
Different Loving: The world of of Sexual Dominance and Submission
by Gloria Brame, William Brame and John Jacobs, Villard 1996
Different Loving Too: Real People, Real Lives, Real BDSM by Gloria G. Brame & William D. Brame, Moons Grove Press 2015
SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press, 2nd Ed 1996
Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman, Greenery Press 2000
The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, Greenery Press 2003
The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, ‎Greenery Press, 2nd Ed 2001
Extreme Space: The Dominance and Submission Handbook by FRR Mallory, Unbound Books 1998
How to be Kinky: A Beginner’s Guide to BDSM  by Morpheous, Green Candy Press 2008
The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino, Cleis Press 2012

See also: Playing Safely in BDSM

 

Posted in -Articles, -MSVB's Musings, BDSM & Fetish Play, BDSM Safety, Femdom Power Exchange | Tagged , | Comments Off on D/s Relationships & Responsibility: Submission Is A Precious Gift