Falling foul of AI. Those of us in the BSDM community find many of the restrictions baffling.
Femdom & BDSM: Ethics, Consent, Power & Play
When a sub turned my blog post: 6 Reasons Why Men Should be Kept in Chastity or The Pleasures of Erotic Sexual Denial (see article here)
into an AI-generated podcast; I was mortified when the artificial American hosts were so deeply concerned and offended by the content.
“She was so rude and abusive in the way she spoke to him… used phrases like desperate, pliable, and agreeable. Implying that by denying him sexual release, she can mould his desires to reprogram him. Threatening physical punishments if he doesn’t comply. She talked about steering him towards specific acts like being penetrated by a strap-on… or emasculation… like she’s suggesting someone’s inherent sexual preferences are somehow wrong and need to be corrected.” 🤣
Clearly, AI is not very intelligent when it comes to fet play, it struggles with the complexities of BDSM. Its literal interpretation of language hinders its ability to grasp the nuanced dynamics and the fantasy role-playing that is fundamental to D/s relationships. (Though perhaps the same thing could also be said for the Vanilla mainstream.) So it might be good for me to clarify the context for the body of work I’ve produced for this blog over the years. It is written from (my) the dominant viewpoint but within the framework of a consensual Femdom D/s dynamics – not as ‘tips’ for fostering abusive or coercive relationships!
Context Is King (or Queen here)
Maybe without proper context, some of the content from this blog could be misinterpreted as non-consensual or abusive. Those of us in the BDSM scene understand that we play within strict ethical guidelines, set frameworks and that on-going informed consent is paramount. Within ‘the scene’ we have our own terms, language, outfits, playspaces and equipment. This can be complicated to outsiders, (we even have a term called CNC/Consensual Non-Consent or Free Use.)
Adult Playtime
I believe D/s and BDSM play is healthy adult play. It’s playtime, a place to delve into our unconscious, primal and base sexual desires in an open, fun, safe environment. A source of relaxation to aid our emotional well-being; and stimulation to fuel our imagination and creativity. Dominatrices are not therapists, however, exploring our sexualities, early-developed fetishes or intense childhood experiences in a safe non-judgmental way can have a positive effect on our lives. We can try out new kinks, how do you know what you like, till you’ve tried. Human sexuality is varied, complex and multifaceted. It can change throughout our lifetimes. What to some is bizarre or shocking, might be profoundly meaningful, erotic and pleasurable to others. We need to approach sexuality with an open mind, and respect individual choices as long as they’re made within a framework of informed, ongoing consent and ethical behaviour.
The Eroticisation of Power Dynamics
At the core of D/s is the eroticisation of power dynamics. For many people within the BDSM community, the psychological and emotional aspects of power exchange are what make it so intensely pleasurable. The key is that this power exchange is negotiated and consensual, with both partners (or more) fully understanding and agreeing to the rules and limits of their play. This might seem extreme, abusive or even cruel to those outside the BDSM community, but within an agreed framework it can be a form of mutually enjoyable erotic play. Of course this dynamic can become unhealthy, a D/s, like any form of intimate relationship, requires constant communication, negotiation and a deep understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
Yes there are still complex questions about power and control in relationships, even within a consensual framework. A chosen power imbalance, is still an imbalance. Though these power imbalances exist in most relationships, workplaces, families, and beyond – and these dynamics can shift over time. The issue lies not in the imbalance itself, but in how the person with power wields it.
There are issues surrounding the ethics of manipulating someone’s sexual desires for your own gratification. And the potential psychological effects on both individuals, emotional, physical, psychological and financial. However, for the overwhelming majority of those involved in D/s play, it is a mutually fun form of consensual erotic power play.
Ethics, Context & This Femdom Blog
This blog is written from within the enclave of the femdom world, it primarily reflects (my) the dominant woman’s viewpoint. So its language is provocative, often designed to be sexually arousing, button pressing and deliberately harsh and offensive within the context and framework of female domination. But beyond the play I acknowledge the necessary mutual agency and consent of all parties involved.
It’s important to note that my articles and posts here on this blog represent just one viewpoint within a vast and diverse BDSM community. There are countless other perspectives, practices, and power dynamics at play. It’s a world of exploration and discovery, but wherever your leanings, kinks and sexuality lie, BDSM play demands: Respect, Communication, Consent, Education & Accountability.
See here D/s Relationships & Responsibility
And, here Playing Safely in BDSM
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Good day, Mistress. I hope you’re well. I’m a respectful and obedient submissive interested in pony play training under your guidance. I admire your dominance and would be honored to serve and learn under your control. Please let me know if you’re open to taking on a new pony.
Mistress Sidonia,
Thank you for a very well written article. The original sin of AI was calling it intelligent it isn’t very it just predicts based on what it has seen previously. Hence as you say it can’t understand or pick up on nuance or importantly context. I would argue you don’t really need to clarify your blog based on this, but sorry you were mortified. To be fair though BDSM can be hard for the mainstream to understand, let alone a modern Mechanical Turk. The most important thing to understand is that in BDSM play all participants both dominant and submissive are there of their own free will. This isn’t just lip service often on Mistresses’ website if a heterosexual couple want to play they will insist the female contacts them first, no one should be coerced.
I totally agree D/s and BDSM play is healthy adult play time. For me as a submissive it is both a pressure release and a chance to let out a side of my personality that is hidden 99% of the time. For me being allowed to give power to someone I trust based on previous experience or reputation for a couple of hours is incredibly liberating and pleasurable. The bit which the mainstream often doesn’t see is the care that is involved in good D/s and BDSM play most of which falls on the dominant who has assumed power during the play.
Managing the power imbalance is important and ensuring all players are enjoying the experience. The key thing though is it is play for a limited time, if one player doesn’t enjoy it they are free to not do it again, hopefully without any ongoing impact.
The blog is written from your perspective for your fans, who judging by the visitor numbers enjoy it. I don’t think I have ever seen any comments complaining. It is not just stimulating but also educational and informative, the opposite of a lot of content currently being added to the internet. If AI or anyone else doesn’t realise that I would say they need to increase their level of understanding.
Thanks for this and all your other great posts.
Alexia
P.S. An amazingly beautiful picture. Thank you for all the pictures that go with posts also.
Very astute and thank you for the kind words.